PORTLAND (Written 4/12/2010)
My dream,
lived within your borders.
The way you made me feel
smart, hip and
grown-up.
Its not clear
if you are still my dream.
Since every little thing
I had planned, changed.
Though my future altered,
I still think of the rain.
The leafy pathways.
The excitement of exploring
your unique and cracked streets.
I can't wait to wander again,
looking at you with these new eyes.
Who knows what treasures I'll find.



“Hand” (Written 4/8/2010)

Soft, light, lingering
to
rough, strong, deep.
Amazing in its intricacy
and yet forgotten in the norm.
Hold my hand
and together we can build anything.


Lonely (Written 4/1/2010)
It isn't in every moment
not even in the car
when your song is on the radio.

My quiet moments are peaceful
soft, delicate whispers of the future.
When I sleep alone...
my hand does not reach out.

Its in the middle of a crowd
when everyone laughs
Or in the swell of the music
when the plot thickens.

The memories rush back
reminding me of those nights
alone, listening to the rain.
Wishing I could find any distraction
from that lonely, sad winter.

I watch the wind blow
the sun is out.
I don't always escape our memories
but I am thankful for spring.

I stay up a little too late most nights,
to steal a few more minutes of nearness.
You'll stay up even longer,
but you appease me,
"tucking me in", talking together,
nothing glowing in distraction.
You leave as I fall into slumber
taking care of the things I neglected
in my one minded march to our bed.
When I awake, too many hits on the snooze
I find your work,
keys and purse where I need them,
making it a little easier to leave.
How did I ever do this whole life thing
without you?

I got "tagged" and given a topic, here are the poems that resulted. I haven't written a poem in 2 years, so I'm giving myself leeway to suck.:)

Melodies of My Muse

you play those notes with no deception
your heart is out for all to see
it never takes but just a moment
for me to breathe in what you mean
it doesn't matter if you speak it
or if its in the way you smile
your love captures every second, of the nights we spend together.
the melodies you create when we have finished,
oh, they bring me to my knees.
if i'm your muse, you are my sunrise
because it all begins with you

Candid Memories


Sometimes I mistake
My dreams of you
for reality
It never seems to matter...
if you're coming or you're going,
these memories I'm making
will go on without you.

If I'm being honest,
you're better in the real world
the one where I don't say the right thing
and my dress is wrinkled, shoes untied
these candid memories are blurry,
not so serene as the ones I dream each night

i'll keep on dreaming,
because that's who I am
but you're with me here, holding my hand
and I don't need to hold those fantasies so tight

( 2 poems )

scatterbrained.
a little bit off,
a little to the right.
all over the place,
in the very best sense.
what does it take
to be the best?
how can you force
what you dont know you want?
perfecting the art of
fearful indecision.
full of good intentions
riddled with the what if
and the why not to.
carefully plotting
the next big dream.
the next step up.
all over the place.
what's next?

emotionally inconsistent.
i cant blame it on the time of the month,
or that time you screwed me over.
i can only blame it on my melodramatic heart.

ever wonder what it would be like to be somebody else?
who hasn't.
ever wonder what it would be like to be yourself?
theres a question worth giving a moments thought.
i promise that wasn't as serious as it seemed.

i always regret what i've just spoken.

bigger dreams than i let on.
relying on what I need at the end of the day.
is it ok to walk the beaten path,
since everyone else goes the other way?

such a funny feeling,
being tired and restless at the very same time.
i'm disassociated....
just like everyone else.
yawn.
can we think of something new now?

what a tangent,
what a relief,
what a ...mess.
emotionally inconsistent.

when will it all fall apart?
when does it all come tumbling down...
bit by bit.
gonna break my heart, aren't you?
I can't afford to trust it.
too deep in this water,
to catch a glimpse of my feet.
you know i need to have control,
but you really don't care.
is this all just one big tease...
is this my tragic loss, my lost love, my biggest scar?
i smile but im waiting for
your sly grin,
while this tumbles to the ground.
undone, dead, rotten

I think I'm paranoid.
I'm afraid I'm right.


------
This probably isn't what you think, it's not directed towards the bf, but actually the universe/fate/whatever.

I want to be more than myself
smarter, quicker, thinner, bitter
Who always knew, who casts the blame
aloof and obscure, (vaugely insecure)
Confusing you with my mysterious gaze
that disguises my apathy
Caring not about your eyes
or your disarming laugh
Who takes a drag from her fourth ciggarette
and tells you not to try so hard
I'm just not that girl
i'm the one who you talk to
Through the middle of the night
I'm the one who laughs at all your elaborate stories
tells you what you need to hear
Watches you from afar with a longing gaze
Who dreams too hard
cares too much
Never mind this girl
see right through that girl
I want to be more than myself
deeper, darker, intense, full of myself
I'm just never gonna turn out that way
i'm always gonna have a smile
When I greet you at the door
i'm never gonna say the right thing
at the right time
So i'm just gonna kiss you
and walk out the door
Find her in someone else
'cause I cannot pretend
That I don't want you to myself
maybe soon
you'll want that girl

unable to grasp the word forever
scared of the makings of goodbye
unsure of the depth of our ocean
sinking in the current of my mind
whispering questions that cannot be answered
searching for a sign to show it's real
hoping my feet are traveling the right path
doubting every truth I've come to know
shouting to the sky my careless desires
waiting for the voice of reason's melody
waiting..
awaiting...
when will I see?

haven't updated in here in awhile, 2 NEW poems


Kiss me cause I'm going crazy
I cant answer why.
It's everything stirring inside of me
Everything I can't let you understand.
Kiss me with those sweet, sweet lips
Undo the pain I cannot uncover
But feel with every pause I take.
Break my heart
So I can blame it all on you.
So you can blame it all on me.
Kiss me cause i'm going crazy

Gone